Monday, January 29, 2007

Curing the Itch!

It has been five days since my last blog and I've had the greatest desire to blog something positive. Unfortunately, with the weak collection of news, blogs, and articles on my RSS feeds, I had to get my fix of blogging by posting this. So bear with me...
Lets go over some of the things that have bugged me over the last couple of days. First, the Washington Riots. Do these people realize that we are not in the sixties anymore? Somebody needs to lock Jane Fonda up, thats all I have to say...
Secondly, the Palestinians are going at again, and again and I am really not sure how they want any one to take them seriously with their stupid shit.
Finally, I am glad the state of Lebanon is back to normal - what exactly is normal?!! - and I am sorry for what has happened in Pakistan, and I am glad another page is being turned over the Abu Graib case...

After getting that off my chest, I feel comfortable enough to talk about some of the less important things in life like upcoming movies. I've some promising trailers of movies that I don't think that they will get enough attention once they come out. Rescue Dawn will probably be another piece of evidence on how Christian Bale is the best actor of our generation -the best Batman EVER-, and Shooter will probably have you hoping that the Predator comes from space rips Danny Glover's face into a Philly Stake. Oh yeah, Eddie Murphy is broke again, so I guess we all need to go check out Norbit...


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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

When is it right to beat your kids?

So, I just got home after a busy day trying to take care of some health care paper work, and going through the news I ran into this article on "Airline defends removing family from flight". Of course, the first thing that jumped to my mind was, what now? Was it because they were praying too loud? Or was it because one of the passengers had too much facial hair? Or was it because someone tried to hide the odor of his crap?

I assume that you noticed from the sense of sarcasm of my assumptions that non of that happened, which is correct. The reason was because a whiny little brat didn't stop crying and the parents were unable to control the behavior of the three year old. I don't know what I would have done if I were in their place, given th R.O.E. (Rules of Engagement) between parents and children in the states, but I am sure a smack upside the head would have done some good.

I am not an advocate of child abuse, but I think that letting the kids run around without enforcing ways of discipline isn't the best way to raise kids. I had my share of head smacks growing up and I think I turned out OK -some might argue that, screw them - and I think it is the way to go.

So in the words of Russel Peters, "Beat your kids!" that should save your flight tickets next time!


Saturday, January 20, 2007

Me love you long time!

One of my favorite movies is Full Metal Jacket, as it has some of the most memorable scenes and quotes. One of those quotes is by the Da Nang hooker to the Marines:
"Hey, you got girlfriend Vietnam? Me so horny. Me love you long time"
What reminded me of the quote and the movie is an article on about the return of "Enjoyment Marriages" to Iraq. As a Sunni, I don't know much about "Enjoyment Marriages" but my first impression of it was not so welcoming. I don't want to call it prostitution as that might "offend" some people, and I don't think it should be called a marriage either.

What I understand about marriage, that it is a bond between a man and a woman, where they decide to create a family, and share responsibility towards each other, and towards bringing up children in order to keep society and humanity alive. I am sure this definition isn't the most accurate, but I think you might get the picture.

Enjoyment marriages seem more like a religious booty call. It can last for minutes -check the article again- to months, and sounds more like a prepaid phone card than a relationship. It is not even casual sex, as someone has to pay for the services. So, if there is a payment, is it prostitution?

Oh well, I guess 50,000 Iraqi Dinars are cheaper than a Zales ring and the court fee...


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

There are some really funny IRC conversations on that site. Unfortunately, I wasted a good thrity minutes of my life reading everyone of them. I think it is only fair if everyone read them!

#23396 +(25695)- [X]


#5273 +(24356)- [X]

hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

#4281 +(24102)- [X]

get up
get on up
get up
get on up
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

#99060 +(20986)- [X]

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> IN FACT
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

#244321 +(17653)- [X]

hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
********* see!
doesnt look like stars to me
thats what I see
oh, really?
you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
haha, does that look funny to you?
lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
wait, how do you know my pw?
er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
oh, ok.

#5300 +(16559)- [X]

A common typo.
the keys are like right next to each other.

#287414 +(15459)- [X]

haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
holy fuck.
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
fucking ken
ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
oh fuck.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

#99835 +(14599)- [X]

Hey, you know what sucks?
Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
black holes
Hey, you know what just isn't cool?

#207373 +(13028)- [X]

oh man
I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile ( has joined #themacmind
and it exploded
ALMOST all over my keyboard
but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)

#5775 +(12463)- [X]

* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an asshole -

#4753 +(12042)- [X]

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

#414593 +(11576)- [X]

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

#111338 +(11294)- [X]

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

#23601 +(10839)- [X]

what should I give sister for unzipping?
Um. Ten bucks?
no I mean like, WinZip?

#258908 +(10478)- [X]

: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
: If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
: Where u work?
: I'm the CTO at
*** Ben174 ( Quit (Leaving)

#330261 +(10383)- [X]

how u make that inverted b?
never mind

#405221 +(10158)- [X]

man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
you don't live in Hope mills do you?
ya, why man?
lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
you mother fucker

#21516 +(9784)- [X]

I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on
I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life.
Don't worry, I won't post it.
[Privmsg] Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on
[Privmsg] the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;)
[Privmsg] You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you.
[Privmsg] I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] *phew* spose you have a point

#349567 +(9748)- [X]

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

#104052 +(9575)- [X]

I download something from Napster
And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
"getting my song back fucker"

#178890 +(9320)- [X]

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
!kjv numbers 22:21
Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...

#261501 +(9202)- [X]

the "bishop" came to our church today
he was a fucken impostor
never once moved diagonally

#9322 +(9160)- [X]

Ouroboros: lets play Pong
| .
. |
| .
. |
| .
| .

#104383 +(9124)- [X]

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

#9501 +(8991)- [X]

It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in the go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
One of these...has a future.
LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

#125283 +(8990)- [X]

hey baby, whats up?
So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

#25464 +(8946)- [X]

"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
That's only 2 types of people, kow.

#171987 +(8856)- [X]

Im going to be the next hitler
Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
why the clown
See? no one cares about the jews

#8814 +(8746)- [X]

I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

#127039 +(8433)- [X]

1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

#434593 +(8363)- [X]

*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
what fraud?
You haven't heard about it?
You can read the full story at
omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'

#262353 +(8253)- [X]

Hey Mike
i dont get it

#142934 +(8033)- [X]

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

#8102 +(7938)- [X]

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
Who me?!
Yes you!
Couldn't be!
Then WHO?!!
Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch)

#602698 +(7875)- [X]

my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
yeah.i sent them to her dad

#85514 +(7853)- [X]

IRC is just multiplayer notepad.

#309397 +(7681)- [X]

don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
oh shit
don't you hate it when you DROP shit

#50891 +(7595)- [X]

I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
The girl started crying and left class ^^

#240849 +(7395)- [X]

what does your robot do, sam
it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls

#77904 +(7382)- [X]

67% of girls are stupid
i belong with the other 13%

#406373 +(7348)- [X]

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

#328464 +(7312)- [X]

SparTacus ( has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko ( has joined #santcuary
ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
I am spartacus
no im spartacus
I am spartacus
I’m spartacus
ur all freaks thats what u r

#400459 +(7305)- [X]

someone speak python here?
the programming language

#412248 +(7212)- [X]

I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

#24 +(7159)- [X]

women ask for it
they act all old and mature
and then you stick your cock up their ass
and they get all bitchy
"I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

#334331 +(7138)- [X]

so my dad found my porn folder
and he was getting all pissed
so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
"i know dad"
"what do you have to say for yourself?"
at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
and he just shut up
what is it?
its his porn folder

#368808 +(7079)- [X]

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

#120296 +(7038)- [X]

once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
*cries*, scary....

#334762 +(6947)- [X]

I swear to god
I've just heard a duck tell a joke
there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

#6460 +(6851)- [X]

what the fuck is wtf

#180081 +(6784)- [X]

some girl just came onto our floor
and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
i just asked her what the paper was about
and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha

#262417 +(6762)- [X]

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
whatd u think they'd say?
something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

#6441 +(6742)- [X]

AFK, tornado

#83627 +(6741)- [X]

I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

#14207 +(6741)- [X]

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

#329292 +(6738)- [X]

Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
Though you could also say it's missing an e
wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

#126218 +(6710)- [X]

i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.

#4848 +(6705)- [X]

i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
i go like this to her
"i want to suck on your clit"

#362137 +(6678)- [X]

just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
that's gotta hurt

#88575 +(6585)- [X]

I should bomb something
...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

#369 +(6505)- [X]

Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P

#151227 +(6486)- [X]

IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

#365072 +(6479)- [X]

Thank you for listening to me.
You know your a really good listener.
Sweety please say something.
Ok I'm back.

#462310 +(6430)- [X]

<> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
<> Right click.

#1578 +(6421)- [X]

we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
wait, you "caught" him?
like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)

#136524 +(6420)- [X]

I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
It said my password wasn't long enough. :(

#246405 +(6333)- [X]

<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
what the FUCK

#577451 +(6304)- [X]

And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
and run like hell

#670375 +(6276)- [X]

Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
wait, shit

#139697 +(6267)- [X]

can you help me install GTA3?
first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)

#185361 +(6250)- [X]

My mom found me perusing and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
now theres a quote for
Don't you fucking dare.

#409 +(6214)- [X]

at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4

#4278 +(6088)- [X]

i beat the internet
the end guy is hard

#367896 +(6066)- [X]

Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

#201579 +(6026)- [X]

Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
Now what?
Don't worry. It's done

#352172 +(6020)- [X]

I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :(
I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
Oh well, time to buy new strings.

#291262 +(5923)- [X]

lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
haha mendo
take a screen shot
that made no sense

#376790 +(5876)- [X]

Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude

#12431 +(5865)- [X]

he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
like, HUGE costume
8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
at some anime con in california
they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
he's riding the elevator down to the con space
doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

#416857 +(5836)- [X]

why the fuck isn't my disc drive working
i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working
you got the right drivers?
hell yes
it was working fine yesterday
why does this shit always happen to me?
maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
i havent touched it since school
i'm growing impatient
ANGRY even
throw that shit out tha window

. . .

OMG i fuckin did it!!!
it works?
no, i threw it out the window
the disk?
NO the whole drive
i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*

. . .

what? did ya break it?
well i couldn't open the drive
so i had to pound it against a rock
quite HARD
and you know what?
that fucking disk wasnt even there
i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
i'm actually cryin right now

. . .

wonder if i could make that drive work again

#214810 +(5832)- [X]

whats the complement to a 43 degree angle?
My you're looking "acute" today
fuck you

#163301 +(5816)- [X]

God i really cant stand windows me
heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
errr ME, not /me

#202477 +(5807)- [X]

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer

#608100 +(5785)- [X]

so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
so i helped him walk to the toilet
all the stalls were occupied
bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
and there's this guy in there taking a shit
and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
and runs away
imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

#348498 +(5715)- [X]

where's pacman when you need him?

#217453 +(5701)- [X]

<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...

#268247 +(5645)- [X]

I love school
Today our term paper due date's set
Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.
So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
She waits for the laughs to die down and says:
"Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand"

#583977 +(5639)- [X]

some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
and can reload from there if i die
she was confused

#329409 +(5636)- [X]

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

#2999 +(5632)- [X]

There was a 23% drop in temperature.
That's almost 25%!
... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.

#520670 +(5620)- [X]

random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

#117002 +(5606)- [X]

* YuFFie ( Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie ( has joined #

#424487 +(5598)- [X]

JstWnnaHveFuN08: do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care?
Thilo: Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a blowjob.
JstWnnaHveFuN08: lol thanks that cheered me up
Thilo: No problem. That'll be one blowjob please.

#283491 +(5598)- [X]

So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes
to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
prof's never met him..
in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin'
then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
and says 'sorry I'm late'
it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms

#6562 +(5595)- [X]

I think the people above me are having sex
either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.

#60469 +(5593)- [X]

there's a small fire burning in my room
lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the other "SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE SITUATION" quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging support in the form of unneccesary votes

#212775 +(5590)- [X]

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

#75154 +(5590)- [X]

you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
the Trix rabbit, for example
I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
"silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
"Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
I'd be thinking
"that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
not me
I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
I mean, I eat when I get up
bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
don't give me that shit.
Back to stupid cereal mascots...
Lucky Charms.
Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
C'mon now, Lucky.
I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
"They're after me Lucky Charms!"
I dunno why I went off on this rant here
it's just always bothered me."

#10958 +(5590)- [X]

(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.

#514353 +(5588)- [X]

Stupid fucking Google
"The" is a common word, and was not included in your search
"Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search

The Doha Debates

So, I was going through a bunch of videos when I ran into a series of videos named the Doha Debates. I personally think it was a waste of time and the usual U.N. Bull Shit, a lot of talk but no solutions or straight answers. You be the judge...

Still here?!! I am surprised!